Golf Jokes

about the cruelest game

Golfer, from the bunker:  “You must be the worst caddie in the world!”

Caddie:  “Oh no sir.  That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Jack and his wife regularly played golf together.  One day, on the long 12th, Jack sliced his tee shot deep into the rough and after his wife had played, drove their cart to find his ball.  They located the ball in a difficult lie… close to a large abandoned barn which blocked the way back to the fairway.

“It looks like I’ll have to play back toward the tee to get out of this mess.” Jack said.

“Oh no…” his wife said from her seat in the cart.  “You can just slide the doors open at both ends of the barn and hit straight through to the green.”

Jack was doubtful, but he managed to get the barn doors open and, seeing the green ahead, grabbed his 5 iron and addressed his ball.

He took a big swing and hit the ball slightly off line, striking the open barn door with a violent ricochet that whistled back, hitting his wife in the head, killing her.

Several months later, Jack was playing with his buddies in the weekly men’s group and his partner that day hit a huge slice at the 12th, far into the rough.  When he and Jack found his ball, it lay close to the abandoned barn.  Jack’s partner pulled out his club immediately and said “I’m going to open the barn doors and hit right through the barn to the green.”

“No…” Jack said.  “That’s a bad idea.  I had that shot a few months ago and the results were terrible.  Just hit back toward the tee.”

“It doesn’t seem that difficult to me.” his partner responded.  “How bad could it be?”

“Disaster,” Jack explained.  “I made triple bogey.”

Jack rode with Rodney, his frequent fourball partner, last weekend in their regular boys-day-out group at the club.  Their play was lackluster, until they reached the par-4 seventh, with trees lining the fairway, and out of bounds to the right beyond a cart path near the boundary fence.  Jack hit one of his best drives of the day along the left edge of the fairway, with good chances to reach a green he seldom found in two.  Rodney wheeled a huge slice that started out toward the left, climbed hard to the right into the trees, probably out of bounds or near the cart path.

Rodney, suspecting he was going to have to search for his ball, dropped Jack at his spot in the fairway and drove off into the woods to search.  Jack watched him go and started to address his own shot, but before he could play, noise and swearing from Rodney’s direction caused him to wait.  He could see that Rodney was near the boundary fence, and he seemed to be taking huge practice swings - producing noticeable sparks as he did so.  Rodney was clearly worked up and it worsened with every flailing practice swing, accompanied by more sparks and profanity.  He finally seemed to settle down and took a giant swing with a whack that resounded across the fairway.

Jack tried to follow Rodney’s ball, and saw it emerge like a rocket out of the trees, flying high and fast toward the green.  The ball hit the ground just over a bunker near the front edge of the green, took a big hop, struck the pin about half-way up and dropped like a stone next to the hole.  Jack was amazed and began shouting to Rodney about the miraculous shot, but he only saw Rodney climbing into the golf cart and driving towards Jack in the fairway.  “Where’d it go?” Rodney asked.  Jack responded “You kidding, Rod?  It was the most amazing shot I’ve seen in years.  It hit the flagstick and it’s about a foot away!”  Rodney laughed.  “I had to play it off the cart path!” he giggled.

They both started hooting and laughing, loudly celebrating.  After they calmed down a bit, Jack tried his shot which was pretty good, but it didn’t make it to the green.  But he thought “Who cares!  Rodney’s the man at this hole.”  Rodney drove quickly to park near the green and ran with his putter to make the career birdie he could tell all the guys about.  Jack made a 5 with a decent chip and 2 putts.  They were still pretty excited as they left the green and began driving toward the eighth hole.  Jack said “Rod, that was just amazing, nobody’s gonna believe you birdied the 7th hole, what did you hit that approach shot with?”  “Your six iron” Rodney responded.

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